Please sign my virtual Pooptition

Hey Party Puppies,

Here I am on my soapbox again! I'm on a soapbox because otherwise I'd be standing in your filth. I'm sick and tired of dog owners leaving their pet's stinking lincoln logs all over this land that I love. Even though I'm a dog, every now and again I like to stop and smell the flowers and not the scent of your furry friend's feces.

There are a lot of dog owners in my hood that are dropping the ball or rather letting their dogs drop it and not cleaning up after. Sure it's easy to point the paw at these dog owners but isn't it time for a little self reflection? I'm starting with the Murf in the mirror (MJ - miss you).

For you see, I don't blame the humans but rather the person owners who didn't raise them right. Yes you Fido need to share in the responsibility too! They may hold the leash but we control the poop strings. Yes, pups we train them just as much as they train us. Take my Maggie for instance. She can be quite a handful from time to time but I started early whipping her into shape. Perfect example: One morning she tried to roll over one time too many. CARPET SPRAY and next thing you know we're taking a walk!

We need to take action as this flagrant disregard for common decency is besmirching our good name of DOG! So if your owner won't pick up after you do what I do...poop in the house. It's the only way they'll learn!

Rainy Days and Mondays Always get Murf Down: A Tribute to Karen Carpenter

Now there's a woman I'd like to share a ham sandwich with (I think you know where I'm going with this...regurgitation means more ham for me) and what a set of pipes huh?

So Mom thought it best to get me over my aversion to rain at 10pm last night in the middle of the storm. Well I showed her. After our failed walk attempt, some time on the deck, and too many minutes in the back yard I proceeded to pee on her socks and poop in her roommate's bedroom. I try not to brag but that was quite the specimen. Weighing in at 15 lbs, I produced a sample that would make a 30 lb dog weep!

No one puts Murfe in the corner (if it's raining)!

Road Side Buffet or Why I Eat Garbage Off the Street

My Mom takes issue with me eating stuff off the street. She calls it disgusting and in bad taste, says I will contract a disease and that she refuses to have a dog that eats garbage. But as you see, the answer to her question lies in her refrain. The point being that I'm a dog!

Now I have been taking a lot of flack about my signature phrase, "I'm a dog" lately from pundits across the country. They claim that I wear that phrase as a scapegoat for all my bad behavior. It is also said that I hide behind the phrase as a way to shirk my responsibilities to family, friends and the US of A. Well ya it's kind of true but despite that I am living up to my responsibilities.

I do eat garbage off the street but I do it for altruistic reasons (great scrabble word for my fans). I do it for the children and the parents and those who are not mature enough to have children (Mom) and for the seniors. I eat it because if I don't who will? Now I will explain my reasons broken out amongst the people listed above.

1. The Children - I believe the children are our future (props to Whitney) eat garbage off the street and watch them grow. Seriously though, today's younger generation shouldn't be looking at their feet but rather reaching for the stars (of course while wearing protective lenses as UV rays are scary). They are too young to worry about getting their juvenile Uggs dirty. Childhood is a time for kids to run and skip not scrape debris off their keds with a sharp stick (which I will also eat so that they don't poke their eyes out).

2. The Parents - Well they are kind of foolish to be buying overpriced boot, shoes, crocs and Uggs for these kids who will outgrow them before my blog has 50 hits. Not to mention that foolish spending spending sprees are part and parcel to blame for your mortgage foreclosure from Citimortgage (tm). So simply, I eat garbage off the streets for parents because at the end of the day those shoes, crocs and Uggs (hopefully unsoiled) will be the legacy you leave your children. No that's not true, you will still have a world of debt and a ginormous deficit for future generations. Don't bite the messenger, heed the message.

3. My Mom - She's in between "projects". Does anyone really know what she does for a living and if they do can they please explain it to me. As best as I can see all she does is get in between me and the SSnT (Street Surf n Turf) that I love. I also eat it for her fiscal future. Dog food isn't cheap and I am trying to help out. If I eat some discarded french fries or a used napkin then I can forgo a treat here and there. That may not seem like a lot to you but it adds up. If I eat one less biscuit every day for a year that amounts to 756 yrs in a high-yield growth mutual fund (assuming current rates of return and any changes in the capital gains tax which you know Pelosi will take from us next). She will need these savings to pay for her Boniva fix years later.

4. The Seniors - Have you suffered through the pain of a broken hip? Neither have I nor would I wish it upon any of my elderly friends. I eat chicken wings off the curb to prevent just such an injury. I try to eat vomit when I come upon it. Why you reply? The herky-jerky movement require to flinch when you stumble upon puke is enough to break the bone of a healthy adult let alone someone with osteoporosis (Love you Aunt No-Nose).

Don't thank me, just step aside and feel free to leave your debris! I've got your back and the stomach to digest your compostable materials.

MurfE Finbar Dolan

Disclaimer: My Mom's mortgage is held at Citimortgage and she owns 2 2/3 pairs of Uggs after some snacking I did the last few weeks. My DLog was in no way influenced by these relationships nor did I receive any financial compensation for mentioning these brands.

Puppy Mills

I was just reading about puppy mills and it made me sick to my stomach. In fact, I puked over it (Mom held my ears) and I didn't immediately eat what I had puked. That goes to show you how disgusted I was. I'm not cool with puppy mills! I can't say much more than that because it's a sensitive subject and because I can't really read but my Mom told me they are bad.

Another thing that's bad is Tigers! They cheat on their wives and then try to cover up the truth with gas guzzling SUVs and 9 irons. Maybe he should have been neutered like me? I haven't wanted to hump a leg since.

Not that I had a choice in the matter! My Mom tells me it's the law but I wonder? I was reviewing her bank statements and I see that she paid for my operation! How is this legal? I liken it to a Mafia style hit where they take away something you love to keep you in line. 'In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns' (Fabrizio, Godfather 1972)

Which brings me back to what's really on my mind...Puppy Illiteracy. It's not right! Wait no that's not what I started talking about is it?

Sorry, I'm all over the place but my Mom just gave me my monthly flea pill and it always makes me a little loopy!

Gotta go as it's time for The View. Joy Behar makes me giggle:)

Next time on the DLog: My thoughts on Meredith Baxter-Birney sexuality and other hot topics!

Curb Your Dog

What does C+U+R+B_Y+O+U+R_D+O+G spell?

Maybe I'm too young to understand but it sounds kinda cruel to me. Curb your dog??? Park your pet owner, how do you like them apples! My Mom tells me it's a public service announcement. Well I have a PSA for all of you and it goes like this...

Pick up your dog's poo! As a little guy with his nose to the pavement I cannot tell you how many times I have nearly stepped in your pup's poo. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with it but my Mom, well she's one of those OCD types (over cleanly dogowner). She will hose me down for one wrong step and then try to keep me off the furniture. The same furniture that she welcomed me on when she made me her dog (talk about mixed messages).

So Please for the love of Murf clean up after your pooch.

Thx,
Murfe Finbar

In loving memory of J.J. Perez

Eeewww (Part 3 of Murfe's issues with Obama's HC Plan)

This morning I'm giving my mom a kiss when all of a sudden WHAMMY!!! She licks my face...EEEEWWWWW!!!! Yes, on the surface that sounds like a double standard mostly because I eat garbage off the street and such but let's look at it from my point of view (approx. 11 inches off the ground).

I have been licking people's faces for a good 7 months now and well I'm pretty good at it (what we call a professional around the dog park). And that's not all I've been licking butt (no pun intended) this is a family blog. Now my Mom on the other paw? Well she had no technique. It was almost as if she was doing it just to get me to stop licking her and lets face it that's not why you lick someone's face now is it? It made me feel dirty.

But lets look at the most important piece of this story...she's been fighting some kind or respiratory thing for at least two months now. She has no business licking my face. She showed little regard for my PIS (puppy immune system) and let's not forget she's got a health insurance!

'Wait, Murf, you've got health insurance right?' No I don't! Why you ask? I recently posed the same question to Mr. Obama and do you know what he said? "You're a dog!" Oh no he didn't, he's going to use my words against me? He may have won big at the polls but he won't get my pup-ular vote.

NEXT TIME ON THE DLOG: SAY NO TO THE PUBLIC OPTION AND EMBRACE THE PUPPY OPTION

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed on Murfe's Paw DLog (dog blog) are those of Murfe Finbar Dolan and are in no way representative of my Mom.

The Birds and the Bee by Murf E

Hey Gang,

I know I owe you a couple more D-Logs about my problems with Obama's health care plan but I've got a bone to pick!

Last night I asked my Mom about the birds and the bees. That's cool right? I should totally ask my Mom about that, after all that's what she's there for right? Well that and to pick up my poop. Don't get me wrong, she's doing OK. I got no problems with her. What I have a problem with is her response to my question.

What does she say... She says you're too young to know about the birds and the bees. Are you kidding me??? I'M A DOG! Doesn't that mean anything to her? Seriously, I used to be quite the man around town. I don't like to brag but I had a lot going on down there if you get my drift. Tragically that all went away a few weeks ago. Yeah, my manhood was taken from me too soon! No one asked me. What do you ladies say...'My body my choice'?

Nope, not for me! I don't know who stole my sack but it's gone. I contacted my lawyer and he told me that's the law. What???? Seriously, they can make me a eunuch without my consent? I used to be a soprano and now I'm a frickin falsetto! It's not right, it just isn't. So who should I blame??? Obama, that's who! Until he fixes the healthcare system I refuse to pay my pooperty tax. I'll show him!

Wow, I am totally barking at the moon here but can you blame me?

What I'm Thankful for by Murf E Finbar

Hi Everyone!

Sorry I haven't written sooner but Mom was punishing me:( I ate an entire garbage bag full of garbage (I'd do it again in a heartbeat).

Dog oh dog was it good! There were two meat trays, a bag of moldy pita bread, a couple of wine corks (red and white...you know how I love varietals), a plastic bag with a whisper of Triscuits (tm), and 4 sausage flavored paper towels. (SIDE NOTE: If I was the president of a paper towel company I would only make sausage flavored towels. It's kinda like post-it notes...'why didn't I think of that?') It was the equivalent of 7 all you can eat buffets Vegas Style for a dog. And as you may or may not know, I'M A DOG!

I have to run now cuz I have the runs:( As great as that feast was I'll be honest with you, it's giving me colon blow.

That's the poop for now brown cow,
Murfe

Someone Stole My Sack (and other issues I have with the Obama health care plan)

My person or pupson has been desecrated! The other day I am 'tending to' myself when something feels different. It's not that it feels different but more so that there's less to 'tend to' which is frightening prospect because I read in GQ that size does matter (I don't know what it means either).

At first I think I've lost weight cuz I've been training and they tell me you lose fat before you build muscle. That is cool with me but I need to investigate it further so I try to look back there and next thing you know I'm chasing my tail. (I know typical dog move right???) Well this went on for a good 20 minutes with no success until I got dizzy and fell off the bed. Once I came to I had forgotten what I was investigating...

I know, 'get to the point Murf'. Bear with me cuz I'm a Dog!

PPPR: Puffs Plus Puppy Review Part 3

Ok, it's me Murf again. Mom is sleeping and she doesn't know how to puppy proof her laptop so here I am again with more of the real poop! Now where did I leave off?

Oh that's right, I had just started enjoying my first tissue when it dawns on me that if I'm gonna do it up I should do it right. I proceed to take several tissues out of the box and hide them around the bedroom for later. Then I want to surprise mom with my mad art skills. So I take several more tissues and start tearing them up on her bed cause she looks kind of cold and sometimes tissues should be seen not eaten. I craft a delightful puppy paper mache. Unfortunately, I don't own a camera and Mom never puts down her iPhone so I was unable to capture the moment.

Back to the review, I really do enjoy Puffs Plus with Lotion. It tastes great with no paper after taste and soft... don't get me started. Unfortunately, the tissue industry is not required to place nutritional info on the box which I find disturbing as I plan to make this a staple of my diet. That brings me to my only issue with the tissue and that's the calories. Now as I said they don't list that info but I'm a pretty buff dude and well in the few days I've been eating them I feel a little bloated. I read in O by Oprah (product placement) that eating paper towels leads to water retention but was surprised to find it in a tissue.

Stop right there, I know what you are thinking. Murf, you eat garbage off the street. Don't tell us you are concerned about calories? Well yeah that's true but lets face facts, I'm not getting any younger. I am knocking on the door of 7 months! I won't have this puppy breath forever so I need to start watching what I eat.

Here's the bottom line: Puffs Plus w Lotion gets two dewclaws up from this pup!

Stay tuned for my next D-Log Blog Series...wait for it...HAVE YOU SEEN MY SACK!!!

PPPR: Puffs Plus Puppy Review continued...

So last night Mom fell asleep before me. That almost never happens on account of she is the nervous type or so she tell me. I think she's a vampire cuz they are very hot right now! But I digress.

Anyways, I'm checking the perimeter of the bedroom when this box catches my eye. At first I think it's a portable toilet paper dispenser and am instantly amazed. Why didn't I think of that? I should have invented that! So I sneak over there and give a quick sniff as it may be a BSB (bed-side bomb). It smells similar to the TP that I love so but there's something extra so I give it a quick taste. OMG, that's good, really good. Tastes like TP with an Alfredo sauce baked in!

My next thought is, 'how do I get this entire stash into my secret lair without waking mom?' so I set my plan into action. I do a quick drive by to make sure my mom is still asleep and she is! Next I try to figure out how to pick up the whole box and stash it somewhere so I push it off the bed side table and it's a full box (JACKPOT!!!!).

Now I start eating it right out of the box. Wow, that's good eats. Uh oh, here comes Mom. I'll finish this on the flip side...

PPPR: Puffs Plus Puppy Review

Yum, I love tissues especially Puffs Plus with lotion. This is my first PCR post (Puppy Customer Review) so listen up!

I used to be strictly a toilet paper kind of dog. Toilet paper is like an "all you can eat buffet" for a little guy like me. First I will just have a taste and then rip it into bite size pieces that I like to leave around the house usually in areas that my mom has recently vacuumed. She seems to enjoy it too as she always stops what she is doing to help me clean up my feast. The other day I tried a new TP recipe that I call the "Foot Long". This is the perfect recipe for an on the go guy such as myself. You simply take the edge of the TP and walk gently with it in your mouth so as not to tear it from the roll. I super sized my Foot Long. Took it out of my Mom's bathroom into the hall, around the corner, down Rebecca's hall and almost made it to the sliding glass door before Rebecca stopped me. She told me it was not a foot long but I'm not sure she knows how long a foot is either so we agreed to disagree.

I know what you're thinking, 'Wait Murf, I thought you were going to give us your review of Puff's Plus tissues?' Well I'm getting to that.

TO BE CONTINUED

CBass

Hey puppy loving party people!

So last night my friend Chelsea Bass and her friend came over. She is wicked cool and smells like a girl. So anyways we are kickin it on the couch when she decides to start a fire. I bark at her maybe once or twice, "CBass (that's what I call her), I wouldn't do that if I were you!"

She completely ignores me and start fiddling around with the fireplace. So now I get up in her grill and say, "RUFF RUFF RUFF" but still nothing. Apparently she's not fluent in Chi-Weenie but at least I got her attention. So I say to her real slow, "CBass, seriously don't burn my Mom's house down. That would not be cool and I am barking from experience here. I mean seriously you should see how she treats me when I poop on the rug!"

Peace Out,
Murf

Home Alone

Hey DLog Fans!

MurfE checking in. So my mom went on a lesbian cruise and left me home alone:( If you are in the neighborhood stop by! Also, if you can pick up some beer and biscuits I will totally lick your face. I just finished humping her throw pillows;)

Party at my place,
MurfE

PS: If my crate's a rocking don't come a knocking

Indecent Pawposal

Little Murf is a day away from the big snip and he knows what that means. So while trying to sex up my arm last night he says to me, 'how about you and I make a puppy? after all your biological clock's batteries are empty and soon my nut sack will be in a similar state.' Well you can imagine my surprise!

He did have a point and I'm not talking about his junk. But it just couldn't be, after all he ain't rich enough to be my baby daddy!

Which way to go...

Today was a tough walk for me. I especially had trouble at this scrubby pine tree. Couldn't decide if I should pee on it from the left side or the right side. Kept switching back and forth (drives my mom crazy). I guess it's just the OCD in me (overtly cute dog)?